nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
