I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
