youre lurking in front of me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
