i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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