My sheets look like a crime scene.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
