feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We need to get me chipped asap
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
