My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
