I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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