Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
