Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
