so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
