Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
