Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
