would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
