"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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