he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You don't make any sense
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