He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
