All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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