I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
