I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
