My Higher Power is John Stamos
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
