this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
