You're completely useless in the revolution.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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