If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
