Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
