Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
