Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
