my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
