he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
