one two three fourrrrnication!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we're making bets on your personal life
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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