I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
