You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
