Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
