You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
