i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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