i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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