This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
