I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
