There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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