I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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