we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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