omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
