found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
