i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
