you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
