Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
