i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
