She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
