I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You smell like stripper and shame
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
