i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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