i already hear my dad disowning me
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
