its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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