Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
