I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
