using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
