We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You are the jesus of drinking
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
