and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
