Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
