I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
